What do you think of my story?
This is the first chapter. I was wondering what people thought of it and if it is even worth continueing.
I stared at the pale white face that reflected in the mirror. Another day.
"Annah!" My mother called from downstairs where she was making my lunch in the kitchen. "Are you going to be late for your bus?"
I left the bathroom and headed down the stairs. I closed my eyes. "No." I said as I approached her. "It's 10 minutes late."
My name is Annah Roosevelt. I am 16 years old. But I am different from any teenager you have ever met.
"How’s work looking today?" My mother asked.
I closed my eyes and a picture suddenly appeared. "Well, boss is in a bad mood. You'll have to stay 3 hours late too. By the way, put some gas in your car unless you plan on breaking down. Which…you have been." I informed her.
I’d never given much thought to my ability to see the future and read minds. I guess, maybe I am unique.
She frowned. "Not a good day?" She asked.
"I wouldn't say that." I lied.
Liar. My mother thought as if reading my thoughts.
"Ok, it might get a little hard." I admitted.
She frowned again.
"I'll make myself some dinner." I told her.
"Are you sure?" She asked.
"Yes." I closed my eyes. "Macaroni is on the menu."
She laughed. "Ok. Will you have a good day at school?"
I closed my eyes. I saw me at school talking to Nick, my former best friend since I’ve been 8. But first period, I saw nothing.
I opened my eyes. I squeezed them shut again. Still, nothing.
"Something wrong?" My mother asked.
"I can't…see." I worried.
"Maybe your sick." She suggested. A sensible suggestion. Whenever I am sick, I can’t see the future. I can still read minds but the future just disappears…for me.
“No.” I disagreed. “I can see everything but 1st period.”
I hope nothing’s wrong. She thought.
"Me too." I hoped.
"Have a good day.” She called as I walked out the door.
“I’ll try.” I lied.
I didn’t bother with trying to have ‘good’ days anymore. Because my days were not particularly ‘good’ when the thoughts of others rang in my head like wind chimes. I don’t want to be a freak. If I’d had a choice, I would have a normal life. The problem is, I didn’t have a choice. I inherited this ‘gift’ from my father. Only the mind reading was supposed to wear off when i turned 8. The problem is, it never did.
When I was 7 years old, my mother, my father, and I lived on a small farm in Georgia. One day I was playing in a field. Little did I know that this field belonged to a witch. She didn’t like anyone on her land. She got angry and put my father under a terrible sickness.
He died 3 days later. I was terribly angry. My father was my best friend. I desperately wanted to know who had done this terrible thing. I opened my mind to anyone’s thoughts. I heard the witches. I knew what she had done.
I put on my rain boots and trotted through the mud to her old creaky house. I pounded on the door with my fist. She opened the door. “Why did you do this to my father?” I screamed.
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.” She replied.
But I read her mind. I saw the terrible curse she put upon him. “Don’t lie.” I confronted. “You’re a witch!”
“How on earth do you know this, child?” She asked.
I didn’t answer her. I just stared angrily at her though the pouring rain.
Suddenly, she gasped. “You’re one of them.” She claimed. Her eyes were the size of the moon.
“One of what?” I asked, confused.
“The mind intruders.” She stated.
I snorted, “I’m not a mind intruder; I’m a mind reader.” I was so angry. I tried to read her mind but I couldn’t with all the anger blocking the way.
Suddenly she grabbed me, pulling me into her house. She opened a door in her floor. She dragged me down a long, wooden ladder. She threw me on the hard dirt floor. She ran back up the ladder and pulled it out so I could not get out.
She left me down there for what seemed like days. But it was only a couple of hours. I closed my eyes trying to see when she’d let me out.
But I couldn’t see a thing because she kept changing her mind.
The future is subjective to me. When someone changes there mind, the future changes and since she kept changing hers, I could see nothing.
And with my anger, I couldn’t read her mind. I was helpless, powerless, weak.
Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she came down. I huddled in a corner hugging my legs.
“Let me go.” I demanded.
“I will…” She said. I began to smile, then she said, “After, I conduct some spells.”
“What spells?” I questioned. She smiled a bit. It was an evil grin. Like a mountain lion ready to attack its prey.
“You are a mind reader. This ability will wear off with 8 years of age. Correct?” She asked.
I replied with only silence.
“Ah, I ‘m right, aren’t I?” She continued to ask.
Again, I refused to answer.
“I thought so.” She said.
She raised her hands and recited t
if there's anything you think i could add or improve on, please let me know.
thank youu !
by the way, any good titles?
I found it really good though it seemed a bit twilight like with the future being subjective and all that the main charactor was like an Edward alice mix
But overall really good
wow that sounds really good, i wanna read the rest so u had better finish it
answer mine?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AgxoyRRlQeI5_frqEhWEslmIxQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20090427162852AA3BM5S
I think that the story line is great. You are very imaginitive but you have the exact same problem as me. You don't go into detail about things and you're sentences are blunt and too the point. But you're also good at coming up with stories and I think that you should keep writing.
Oh my gosh! That is such an awesome story! Can you mail me the whole story when you finish it? I like the whole cliffhanger thing. I am trying to write a story too. Please, please, please, mail me it when you finish it. I will type mine up too and send you it – it's okay. Not as good as yours. Here are a few corrections though:
But, I am different from any teenager you've probably ever met.
I closed my eyes. I saw me at school talking to Nick, my former best friend since I’ve been 8 years old.
(All of the things that are read in their mind have to be in italics)
She opened the door. “Why did you do this to my father!?”,I screamed.
I huddled in a corner hugging my legs, holding them tight to my chest.
“How on earth do you know this, child?”, She asked.