How to deal with a great amount of grief?
My brothers friend who i called "Duckie, was killed when he was hit by a car last Saturday. He touched so many lives with his humorous and caring personality. He always said "I LOVE MY LIFE" because he didn’t let life put him down. Ive been trying to find out some ways that can help me get over the great amount of grief. I keep going to his baseball games even though he not there. I cheer on his team (my brother also plays on his team). I went to his funeral yesterday, thinking it was going to be a closed casket (because of the trauma he had received after being hit and dragged by the car), but when i walked by the casket it wasn’t closed. I wasn’t going to look either but something in my heart said "Look at him one last time". So i did. Which made it worse because he shouldn’t have been in there. I went to the place near where he had died, and people had placed flowers and things there, so i placed a plastic duck there. And my mom put some nice wooden wind chimes there also. I know death happens and it takes time for people to heal but its just so hard to do anything without thinking of him. What are some ways that you grieve after loosing a loved one? Thanks.
Take solace in the fact that Duckie ENJOYED his life while he was alive! He had a great spirit and saw what was important and really lived! His best hopes would be that he has passed some of that on to you! If he is looking down now imagine what great joy would be brought to him seeing you carry on his zest for life! I know how hard it is but with time you will start to only remember the greatest memories and believe it or not you will find yourself even laughing!! For now, the best remedy is to just let yourself FEEL. Feel your sadness, your anger and let them work their way through your body and soul. This is a tragic experience that does in fact have a positive side to it and during the process of greif and recovery you will learn so much about yourself and how you have learned to live your life through Duckie! It is the greatest way to respect his memory and keep him in your heart always! I am also glad you made the decision to look at him "one last time".. you would have regretted it if you didn’t! Anyways just take your time and deal with this grief by remembering as much as you can! Don’t try to block it out you need to acknowledge every thought and feeling you have during this time! Everything will be okay! I am sorry for your loss. Best of Luck!!
Would Duckie want you grieving over his death, or reminiscing on his life and the great times you had?
I had a very close friend of mine die in a horrific accident this past Easter, and I know she would not have wanted me to cry about her for the next 3 months, but to look back at the good times, appreciate them and smile.
It’s very hard to not grieve after tragedies like this.
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I’m sorry for you’re loss.
it really sucks to lose someone you really loved, i can sympathize. just try not to linger on bad thoughts, think about what ‘duckie’ would want. would he want you to suffer and grieve endlessly? And try not to reach for a crutch(i.e. alcohol, weed, stc.) finally i would strongly suggest you take inventory of your life and fill it with missing pieces(go to church, start excerciseing, talk with your family, etc)
actually you’re doing everything that makes you feel more grief ..
you keep doing everything that reminds you with him .. that’s a bad thing if you want to make it easier ..
i’ve been in the same exact situation .. and honestly .. there’s no way you can ease the pain .. the dearest they are the harder it gets ..
what you can do is trying to focus on anything positive .. he’s probably in a better place .. he’s not in pain .. he had a great life and all people loved him .. the only thing that eased my pain once imagining he’s some place safe .. happy .. looking at me and smiling .. knowing im thinkin about him .. that was the best i could do ..
I’ve lost 4 sons, and others…I know what you feel. The loss of my sons made me more aware about other young men like my sons and that we really are just one family on earth. Man, people can die from such stupid things…. I think no one can say much that helps. But, the fact that they are understanding and there for you helps. Time helps. Knowing that I am only one step behind them, that I will follow one day soon sounds morbid but it is the fact. I also think that their energy, and who they are is not lost at all. I hope you know I am sincere at this difficult and sobering time in your life and in your loss.
Well, I think that when your grieving that you shouldn’t try to forget your pain, otherwise it’ll all be building up inside of you. Keep thinking about the happy moments you had with this person and know that his life wasn’t lived for nothing. From the above I’m guessing he had a lot of loving friends and family and they all carry a part of him in themselves. Healing could take as long as a couple of months to many years, though the pain never goes away altogether. I suggest you continue what your allready doing and stay close with loved ones who also knew your friend.
I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I’ve lost a loved one too, 10 years ago. I cry myself to sleep, went through his things and put them in a box, tried to write the happy moments in a journal (so i can read them later and cherish the memory), busied myself with work work and work. in the end, it still isnt enough. i still miss him. I still cried buckets when I remember him. crying is good. time wont heal the pain of losing someone. you will eventually accept the loss. try to celebrate his life by remembering him.
well about 2 years ago my very very good friend, michelle, died also in a car accident by a drunken driver. i was shocked,mad,sad and wondering why. my life isnt easy my dad left, me and my mom dont have a great relationship, relatives keep dying, & michelle. cutting yourself is not good, i did it in 7th grade, dont do it. since 5th grade ive started listening to music(rock) and that has literally gotten me through the last 4 years of my life. find solace in something you enjoy, when you think about duckie remember good times and positive thoughts, if your religous then you will meet him some day. for me to get past all the stuff in my life, not just death, was music, friends, sports, and remembering good things. im sorry about your loss & everyone grieves in there own ways, just find solace in something you enjoy